ThisTakesTooLongToType

Opening the sack reveals a clove of garlic and these horoscopes:

Aries - Don’t listen to the voices in your head.
Taurus - Your nutted cheese log is not a fruit.
Gemini - Your evil twin is flirting with your wife in the alley behind the cigar shop.
Cancer - Don’t be homophobic, bicycles aren’t what you think they […]

I eat so fast that wolves now “Dave it down”:

Aries - Your right front blinker bulb will go out on Thursday unless you change it.
Taurus - No, you can’t put a feather in your cap and be Macaroni.
Gemini - Your evil twin is going to sleep in your bed tonight.
Cancer - Do not punch yourself […]

Alberta Canada (Edmonton) 8-3-2007: Dwayne Roloson’s NHL contract will be sold on eBay by the end of the week according to sources close to Kevin Lowe, the General Manager of the NHL franchise Edmonton Oilers.

I’m at yet another Starbucks in Pico Rivera today, (gotta’ love the T-Mobile hotspot at 40 f***ing dollars a month but I need it for work because aircards are more expensive and don’t come with a coffee frapaccino). Anyway, this guy walks out of the Starbucks and I see he has a parrot on […]