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Something I learned today that might help somebody live through a charging bull attack.

If you find yourself in the unenviable path of charging bull, remember the following:

1. Do not taunt the bull.  Making the bull angrier so as to cause the bull to make a mistake is not necesarily your best option.  Bulls should leave you alone unless they are provoked or they’ve had a bad day at the ranch.
2. Find safe harbor.  Quickly look for a safe escape route.  Running away will only help if you can get to safety.
3. If you can’t find safe harbor then take off your shirt, jacket, or red cape…anything that will help you with the next step.
4. Hold still with your red cape or plain t-shirt in front of you.  As the bull approaches, throw your clothing item away from you.  Bulls are primarily attracted to movement, (much like T-Rex dinosaurs).  The bull should attack your just-now discarded clothing.  Hopefully you can find a safe path out of the matador arena before you are completely naked.

Advanced technique:

1. Don’t go where bulls congregate.
2. Never accept a gift from Johnny Dangerously while shooting a Schlitz Malt Liquor commercial.

I hope you never need to sidestep a charging bull but if you do I hope this helps.

Best of luck!

David

Something I learned today that might help somebody live throught a shark attack.

Sharks will only attack if they think they have the advantage so you have to do everything you can to make them think they are not safe when attacking you.

In the water:

1. Hit them with whatever you have.  Fists, camera’s, mining equipment…whatever.
2. Go for their eyes and gills.  These are the most sensitive areas on a shark.  The snout of a shark is not as sensitive but if you have no other choice then hit them there.  Remember: eyes and gills, eyes and gills.
3. Hit them repeatedly as hard as you can.

On land:

1. Run away from the shark.  Sharks are notoriously slow runners on land.
2. From a distance, show them you are carrying tartar sauce, (always carry tartar sauce just in case).  The shark knows you mean business if you’re holding a bottle of Hellmann’s.
3. Call Aquaman.  Aquaman has rapport with most species of shark and can save you from embarrassing bite marks.

I hope you never need to fend off a shark but if you do hopefully this helps.

Best of luck!

David