ThisTakesTooLongToType

Beverly Hills, CALIFORNIA – April 6, 2008

Al Gore, former presidential candidate and Nobel Prize winner, was the first respondent on the scene at the home of recent decedent Charleston Heston Saturday night.

“I had just finished preparing for an important ManBearPig lecture Saturday evening when I heard on my police scanner/waterproof radio that Chuck just died”, said Gore.  “I rushed right over to pry his guns from his cold, dead hands.”

When Gore arrived on the scene…

This could be funny but I don’t have time to finish.  Please finish in comments.

Thanks,

David

SANTA ANA, CALIFORNIA: February 7, 2008: In an apparently bizarre love triangle, Robert Hausfingler, a general contractor, blew a kiss in the direction of his spouse Martha Hausfingler but hit the wall behind her instead.

“I meant to blow-kiss my wife; instead I hit the house”, said Robert. “We had a fight the night before but made up that same evening, I think everything is fine between us.”

The Hausfinglers bought the home in 2002 after moving to the area from San Bernardino.

“My husband saw the house and just fell in love with it”, said Martha. “I just didn’t know how much he loved the house until now.”

A spokesperson for the house said their will be, “no comment forthcoming at this time”, as it is a private family matter.

The Housing And Natural Brick Love Association, (HANBLA), claims that tens of tens of adult people have inter-object love with their homes and it’s as natural as plant love.

“This is not a mere fetish”, said Sandy Hymen, a spokes-person for HANBLA. “Many people believe there is a pureness and undiscovered quality to their homes that should be shared intimately with the owner.”

No further comment from the Hausfnglers was offered but it is reported that the couple is seeking counseling and new drapes.

Sunday, November 4th, 2007 – MIAMI, FL – In a stunning upset the winless Miami Dolphins lost to the bye week in overtime 20 – 17. “I didn’t think it was possible to lose to the bye week”, said Cam Cameron, head coach of the Miami Dolphins. “It took us totally by surprise.”

The Dolphins were favored not to lose another game this week according to all major sports news sources.

“I’m just happy I didn’t throw any interceptions”, said Cleo Lemon, the Dolphins 23rd starting Quarterback in 3 years. “We just have to put together a good win streak…like maybe 1 and then everything will fall into place.”

With the Dolphins injuries mounting and the team resources depleted, the bye week got off to an early lead.

“We have some injuries” said Cameron. “We’ve got some guys hurt and that takes a toll on your team over the course of a long 16 day season. I have heartburn and a splinter in my finger too.”

Ricky Williams was quoted as having said, “My team just needs to relax. If I’m reinstated I can help them achieve a complete and peaceful relaxation through meditation and yoga. If that doesn’t work then I have some sweet, stinky weed that would put anybody on their ass.”

The Dolphins take on the Buffalo Bills in week 10 action. Coach Cameron had this to say, “Please God, no”, [crying].