Funny Horoscopes for Sunday, August 19th
Opening the sack reveals a clove of garlic and these horoscopes:
- Aries - Don’t listen to the voices in your head.
- Taurus - Your nutted cheese log is not a fruit.
- Gemini - Your evil twin is flirting with your wife in the alley behind the cigar shop.
- Cancer - Don’t be homophobic, bicycles aren’t what you think they are…just be sure to exchange the dildo for an actual seat.
- Leo - Your unnatural love for animals would cause PETA to boycott today.
- Virgo - No. Chief Cleavage Inspector isn’t a real job title; it’s just a shirt you’re getting for your birthday.
- Scorpio - Maybe if Superman ever really existed could you hire him to beat up the government for you; other than that I think you’re going to have to pay your taxes.
- Sagittarius - Stop being lazy; go work out and clean the house. (sorry for the author’s personal note to himself)
- Capricorn - Tuesday you’re going to see Peanuts in your Charlie Brown.
- Aquarius - No. The collection plate isn’t “just like the ‘take a penny - leave a penny’ tray at the liquor store.”
- Pisces - Your sword begins to glow.
