ThisTakesTooLongToType

Like my father used to said, “I’ve always wanted to be quoted.”

• Aries – If you’re not Scottish then wearing a kilt makes it a skirt and you a crossdresser.
• Taurus – Try not to catch falling rocks today.
• Gemini – Try not to look your evil twin in the eyes today.
• Leo – Really?  Hubcaps?  C’mon!
• Virgo – Put a note on the trash can that says, “Contents No Longer Edible”
• Libra – DAMN IT!  FOR THE LAST TIME…THE SALAD FORK GOES ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
• Scorpio – Do not pay for sex today.
• Sagittarius – Your OCD is acting up again.
• Sagittarius – Your OCD is acting up again.
• Sagittarius – Your OCD is acting up again.
• Capricorn – It is unwise to upset a Wookie today.
• Aquarius – Today is a good day to waterboard your children.
• Pisces – Technically crack is a gateway drug…but it’s the exit.