ThisTakesTooLongToType

I eat so fast that wolves now “Dave it down”:

• Aries – Your right front blinker bulb will go out on Thursday unless you change it.
• Taurus – No, you can’t put a feather in your cap and be Macaroni.
• Gemini – Your evil twin is going to sleep in your bed tonight.
• Cancer – Do not punch yourself in the face today.
• Leo – Do not hurt animals while making a movie today.
• Virgo – Yes, swallowing Alka Seltzer whole can make you VERY sick all of a sudden.
• Libra – Do not bite the heads of chickens today.
• Scorpio – No, Homer’s Odyssey is not about you.
• Sagittarius – You’re not funny; stop making faces at me.
• Capricorn – Your menstrual cycle will start next week; if you’re a dude then this is a sign that you need to eat more roughage.
• Aquarius – You should not stand in front of a moving train and flex today.
• Pisces – No, cheese will not melt in your presence out of fear today.