Funny Horoscopes for Saturday, August 4th
I eat so fast that wolves now “Dave it down”:
- Aries - Your right front blinker bulb will go out on Thursday unless you change it.
- Taurus - No, you can’t put a feather in your cap and be Macaroni.
- Gemini - Your evil twin is going to sleep in your bed tonight.
- Cancer - Do not punch yourself in the face today.
- Leo - Do not hurt animals while making a movie today.
- Virgo - Yes, swallowing Alka Seltzer whole can make you VERY sick all of a sudden.
- Libra - Do not bite the heads of chickens today.
- Scorpio - No, Homer’s Odyssey is not about you.
- Sagittarius - You’re not funny; stop making faces at me.
- Capricorn - Your menstrual cycle will start next week; if you’re a dude then this is a sign that you need to eat more roughage.
- Aquarius - You should not stand in front of a moving train and flex today.
- Pisces - No, cheese will not melt in your presence out of fear today.
