Horoscopes: May 14th
Monday has been canceled due to lack of interest…
- Aries - You will be hit by the Hamburgler next time you go to McDonalds. Watch your buns today.
- Taurus - If you ride your bike to work, do not do wheeleys into oncoming traffic today.
- Gemini - Your evil twin is eating the burrito you CLEARLY marked as yours today.
- Cancer - Wear deodorant today.
- Leo - Do not run with scissors in a balloon factory today.
- Virgo - Launching your neighbor’s noisy dog into space does not make him an astronaut.
- Libra - Toilet paper rolls do not make good telescopes today.
- Scorpio - Do not stand on cups to make yourself taller today.
- Sagittarius - Remember, your brother’s XBOX is not a dinner plate; do not put it in the microwave today.
- Capricorn - Do not leap from rooftop to rooftop today.
- Aquarius - You forgot to call your mom yesterday; tell her you were in the hospital after a freak waffling accident when you were cooking her breakfast.
- Pisces - You’re not so smart with tape over your mouth today.
