Horoscopes: May 17th
Life is like an analogy…
- Aries - Try and win the lottery today.
- Taurus - Your brother will call you today. If you don’t have a brother then this will surprise you quite a bit.
- Gemini - I think you are the evil twin.
- Cancer - Do not buy stock in DVD rewinders today.
- Leo - 8 is the number you were thinking of.
- Virgo - Do not ask the mirror who is the most fair today; remember you took the bigger piece of candy this morning.
- Libra - If you were any more wrong you would be a red check-mark.
- Scorpio - Do not buy a used mattress today.
- Sagittarius - Something tells me you like to swim with the fishes…just don’t float face down with the fishes.
- Capricorn - You love lamp.
- Aquarius - This is the dawning of the age of McDonalds heath food stores.
- Pisces - You are holding a grudge against yourself today. How stupid does that sound?
