ThisTakesTooLongToType

I wish I had a nickel for every nickel I have:

• Aries – People think you’re stuck up. Don’t worry, it’s just your arrogance that shines through today.
• Taurus – You will not be able to get the song “Rico Suave” out of your head today. Riiiiicohhhh….Suavvvvvvvehhhh.
• Gemini – Don’t turn around but your evil twin is about to stab you in the back…again.
• Cancer – Reach into your pocket in five minutes and you will find a hand.
• Leo – Your friends like you…just not in that way.
• Virgo – Brian Boytano called; he wants his wardrobe back.
• Libra – Tie your horse to the hitching post so that it doesn’t get towed today.
• Scorpio – YES, PHILISOPHICALLY SPEAKING, YOU’RE STILL A F###TARD!
• Sagittarius – Stop waisting your time with that stupid blog; nobody cares!
• Capricorn – Four out of five doctors are going to choose the leading brand today.
• Aquarius – If you felt any smarter you could breathe with your mouth closed.
• Pisces – You will be the last horoscope for today.