ThisTakesTooLongToType

Life is like a bad analogy:

•  Aries – Don’t visit the 5th dentist today.
• Taurus – If you had just one wish this holiday season it should be to remove the psychotic voices in your head that insists on worshiping Yahoo Serious as your sole deity.
• Gemini – Your evil twin masturbates with your hand.
• Leo – NO I’M NOT!  BUT YOU’RE STUPIDERER!
• Virgo – Happy Birthday, RETARD!
• Libra – People are waiting in line to punch you in the face today.
• Scorpio – Dog urine is not one of the 7 recognized aphrodisiacs but tastes like at least 3 of them…go ahead and try it anyway.
• Sagittarius – You are good enough, you’re smart enough; and gosh darn it, people like you.
• Capricorn – Don’t threaten to kill your wife with a fake light-saber today.
• Aquarius – You should sanitize that thing before puting it there.
• Pisces – Don’t take the train…they’re hard to hide.