ThisTakesTooLongToType

I had not been to Magic Mountain for years; at least 7 to be maybe somewhat close to accurate. They made plenty of improvements except for making it flat. I was hopeful when my girlfriend suggested we go. I thought to myself, “Self, I hope they’ve flattened out that mountainous region known as Magic Mountain. Since they renamed it to Six Flags CaliforniaI thought they must have taken a couple of bull dozers and steam rollers to the place formerly known as Magic Mountain.

No such luck. Apparently it was just some sort of marketing ploy to go along with their corporate brand. I figured that they figured they had to rename it since there were no more mountains at Magic Mountain…they felt like they couldn’t just call it “Magic”. I think Disney would have a problem with just “Magic” because, after-all, Disney is the Magic Kingdom. Oh well, at least I lost 30 pounds walking uphill in every direction.

I digress, (but not really because I haven’t really started so I guess I’m gressing for the first time). Anyway, Six Flags California, (hereto referred to as SFC), was not bad for a Sunday. The caveat that I would throw in is that you should invest in that Flash Pass if you want to go on some of the newer rides. We waited in line for over an hour to get on Tatsu. I would never do that again. It’s not a bad ride at all…it just scared the livin’ b’jesus out of me. If you have a heart condition, I implore you to please avoid this ride. Just the pull up to the top of the first drop can give you a heart attack as you’re hanging face down looking at certain death; and at my elevated weight, (because I’m so freakin’ muscular), I don’t have to tell you that it was a concern. If the ride broke, I would surely die because I would hit the ground first and then break the fall of others. The rest of the ride I guess feels like you’re being punished by Superman for eating the last bag of Doritos. “Ate all the Cool Ranch, huh? Well, let’s see how you fare with a couple of head first barrel rolls and a loop or two, smartass!” Anyway, all joking aside, it was a great ride and I highly recommend it if you are at all suicidal.

All the older rides were practically walk-ons with the exception of the water rides. Since it was close to 90 degrees the water rides were packed, as I’m sure you can appreciate. I loved it. I remember waiting in line for over an hour to get on Revolution 20 years after they built the dang thing. Not this time; walk-on twice! Ninja? Walk-on. Viper? Almost a walk-on. That thing that pulls you up the side of the mountain; walk-on. Not bad.

Ok, the really bad…
Parking. I waiting in the line to park for 45 minutes at least. When I got up to the front of the line, the jackass that was selling the tickets was asking if I wanted valet or regular parking. The thing is, if I wanted valet parking I would have waiting in the valet parking line. When he asked I made the mistake of barking,”NO!”, at him. Princess took his time after that to get my change and parking ticket. I mean, really! We were waiting in line to park for 45 minutes so you could converse over tea with everyone in line. Jackass! I hate your guts!

Ok, the really, really bad…
We waited in line to get through the turn-styles for 30 minutes when somehow it became a mad dash for the gate. I couldn’t believe the disorganization at a major amusement park. If this was Disneyland, we would have all queued properly and been glad for the privilege! The good news is that we actually got in quicker because I got a really bad case of the OH HELL NO’s.

Ok, the worst…
They have metal detector’s now after the kiosks where you buy your tickets and before you mad-dash to get through the turn-styles. I put every metal object on me into the dish; my money clip, my change, my keys, my lighter, my guns, my bomb…everything! So far so good. I dropped a freakin’ quarter on the ground and when I went to pick it up, my shorts split right by the pocket. Fortunately, I decided at the last minute NOT to go commando today. My Hulk, like tear was not enough to send me back to the car to paint my leg blue, (the same color as my shorts), nor enough to search for a new pair of overroos at the nearest Wally World Gift Shop. I just kind of dealt with it all day.

Ok, I’m getting bored so I’m going to stop now.

Take care,

David